A change of heart

Normally it’s “the older the wiser” right? I guess not. How am I more mature than someone who is older than me? 

On another note, I need to start taking my medicine regularly. I’m starting to get sick a lot more often now. :/ 

One more week of school/studying then I get a break for a little over a week. I look forward to my time at home, but there’s one little thing that makes me want to stay in San Marcos for as long as I can. -.- 

There’s really no hope for a good relationship anymore. The lines have been crossed and the words have been said. You might be able to take back what left your mouth but you can’t take back what I heard. Here I stand, now, with no intentions of making things better. You have done it all. People say you shouldn’t speak out of anger. I guess you should’ve listened to that advice. Of course, this can all get SO much worse and I expect it to because that’s who you are, but I’m done caring and stressing over what you can possibly do to me.

Everything bothers me about you. It’s such a sad thing to admit, but I’ve come to terms with it I can’t stand being around you. Everything you say, everything you do, will always upset me. It’s like you reach a sort of high when you intentionally try to hurt me. Well, guess what? There’s no way you can get to me anymore. You’ve done just about as much as you can with what you know about me. But I guarantee you won’t know another thing about me for as long as we both live. I’ll never run to you for help, ask for your advice, tell you what I’d like to say. I’ve kept my darkest secrets from you and I can sure as hell keep more. 

I’m done. Between you and I is just a title that I can’t ever get rid of. I can handle that. Thanks for being the biggest reason for my strength. Because of you, I can handle anything from anyone. 

“Don’t change because life didn’t give you two sweet apples. Continue to be your beautiful, artistic, and creative self. Continue to have that contagious inner joy. Dare to stand up for yourself because that is a trait of the brave.” -Karenina.

Fall 2011 has been amazing, stressful, and surprising all at the same time. I’ve realized more in a matter of 4 months than I have since college started. This realization allows me to see things in a different light. I now have the courage to work with the life I have and try to make the best of it. 2012 is the year I am supposed to graduate but, thanks to planning things totally wrong, that’s not happening. That doesn’t make me sad at all. If anything, it motivates me to start making some changes.

Finals are coming up then Christmas Break will be here in no time. I’ll relax here for a few days before going back home to a life of chaos. As hectic as my time back home can be, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being there with my family is comforting in every way possible. 

2012 will be a busy year, but I’m definitely excited for it. A little over a month left :)